Be BOLD, BRAVE & BADASS: My Mother’s Legacy of Imperfection

Legacies are about what you hope to leave behind once you are gone.  Hopes, dreams and fears you have for the future of your children and grandchildren.  We need to leave our girls and women a better legacy.  Little girls, teens and young women are in crisis.  Suicide rates for this group are the highest in 40 years making suicide the 2^nd leading cause of death.  They are in a nasty fight for their lives and need to believe they can be the heroine of their own story and rise above their pain.  We need to equip them with mental health tools to overcome heartache, develop authentic caring relationships and believe they are worthy of love, connection and belonging. 

Worthiness begins with the messages we teach girls about life goals, aspirations and showing them their thoughts, feelings and opinions matter.  They need to know men can be “active allies”, standing up for them, instead of saying “boys will be boys.”  This includes updating corporate policies about raising children and promotions, and learning to listen more and advise less, to teach the women in their lives they are confident and capable.   

“When I see people stand fully in their truth,
or when I see someone fall down, get back up, and say, 
‘Damn. That really hurt, but this is important to me
and I’m going in again’—my gut reaction is, 
‘What a badass.”

-Brene’ Brown

I am the granddaughter of successful salesman and alcoholic, a 2^nd generation poet and the daughter of a teacher and director, both worriers.  I’ve been the younger, more functional sister of an epileptic brother; an only child; an older stepsister and stepdaughter (twice); niece and sister-in-law.  I also live with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. 

I’ve bared my soul performing poetry in back alley bars, Bohemian bookstores and art galleries from KC to Chicago, Nashville and Austin, TX, sharing stories of hope and inspiring others to get back up. 

I’m a survivor of domestic violence.  I’ve been the victim of a sexist, manipulative boss and have been asked if I had children or plan to have children as part of my employment interview, to determine if I was a “right fit” for the organization. 

I’ve had my more than my fair share of death.  My grandfather died the week before I graduated high school, my brother choked to death during an epileptic seizure the day after my 21^st birthday and my mother’s heart stopped during my dream vacation in Italy, 5 years after she overcame mental illness and became one of the healthiest people I’ve ever known. 

Sometimes I feel like my resiliency muscle is super-human strong!  When I need a little pep talk or question the place my life is in, I rely on the words of my late mother, Kathy Minges, to get me back on the horse of life.  I’m a bold, brave, flawed risk taker.  I’ve achieved more than most, having experiences many people only dream of.  I’ve also been kicked in the arena, failed more times than I can remember, and have always found a reason to get back up.  Yes, sometimes it’s unbearably hard, but I’ve always found a reason.   

A Mother’s Legacy for Her Daughter

A week after my first birthday (1978) my late mother Kathy Minges, wrote an article reflect upon and consider her hopes and dreams for my future, her legacy of dreams.  No mention of material possessions, her legacy was full of love and “you are enough” messaging.

Her article “A Mother’s Legacy for Her Daughter” is the best gift that she could have given me, the gift that keeps on giving year after year.  Because there is no dream house, car or bank account that can give you the secure feeling of knowing that, even at your worst, you deserve and are worthy of love, success and happiness.  

Here are some excerpts from her the article:

“I want her to feel that her thoughts, opinions and feelings are heard and
counted.  I want her to do the things I never dared to try.  If she makes
a mistake she has not failed, for it is through her mistakes that she will
learn.  I want her to experience that sweet, sweet taste of success and to
have her accomplishments justly recognized.

I want her life to be filled with positives instead of negatives, her doors open,
not closed, so that she can control her own destiny.  I want her to be allowed
to make her mark in this world – to be president if she wants to”!

Gifts of Imperfection

My mother gave me permission to be flawed, imperfect and loved me anyway.  She wanted me to learn and grow from each experience and to fight for my right at the table, showing me I deserved to be there.  10 years ago she set down her shield of shame, forgave herself and others and made amends in order to have a new lease on life.  Her death may have been the catalyst of my facing my greatest fear and greatest dream; becoming a published poet.  Instead of feeling the need to be perfect, I embraced the moment, feeling how wonderful it felt to share my poetry and hopefully inspire others to share their stories.

Her death may have been the catalyst of my facing my greatest fear and greatest dream; becoming a published poet.  Instead of feeling the need to be perfect, I embraced the moment, feeling how wonderful it felt to share my poetry and hopefully inspire others to share their stories.

To all of the girls, pre-teens, teens, and women reading this article, YOU ARE WORTHY! No matter what anyone else has told you, YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS and LOVE! 

Sara Minges is a National Storyteller, Poet, Speaker, Pathway to Hope Founder’s Award and Pitch KC Best Poet Nominee, and Owner of Wonder Woman Rising.  She coaches and empowers women to let go of shame and self-loathing and embrace their inner superpowers by owning their personal stories.  She can be reached at sara@wonderwomanrising.com or by calling 913-244-8786.